英语笑话三则（五）

1.A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"
"Look! We're going fishing and that's final."
"Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!"
"Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!"
The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"
"Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to

have made up your mind!"
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?"
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!"
"Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely

disgusting... It tastes all shitty!"
"Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

一个大晴天的早上，丈夫对他的妻子说：“老婆，我们这个周末去钓鱼吧，你，我，还有小狗。”
妻子一脸不悦：“但是我不喜欢钓鱼。”
“听着，我们要去钓鱼，这已经定下来了。”
“我真的要跟你一起去钓鱼吗。我真的不想去”
“好吧，我给你三个选择，1.你跟我和小狗一起去钓鱼，2. 你给我口交 3. 你让我干你的屁股”
妻子听了更是一脸苦相，“三个我都不想选。”
“老婆，我已经给你三个选择了，你要做的就是在中选一个。我现在到车库去准备渔具，当我回来的时候，我希望你
已经做好选择了。”
妻子坐了下来，开始考虑。
二十分钟后，丈夫回来了：“你做好决定了吗，和我还有小狗去钓鱼，口交，还是干屁股？”
妻子很不满，但最终还是做出决定：”好吧，我给你口交。“
”太好了。“丈夫一边说一边脱下裤子，妻子跪了下来开始干活，突然，她停了下来，向上看着她的丈夫，”哦，你的JJ也太臭了，就像狗屎的味道。“
”这就对了，“丈夫说，”小狗刚才也不愿意去钓鱼。“


2.A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill."
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house." the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this

scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

一个男士刚升迁，他想给他的来复枪配个新的望远镜，他进了一家枪械店，让售货员给他看下望远镜，售货员拿出一个给他看，对他说：”这个望远镜很不错的，你从这里往上看，可以看到山上我的家“。这位男士就看了一下，开始大笑。
”什么这么好笑啊？“售货员问。
”我看到在屋子里，有对裸体男女在屋子里打闹。“
售货员一把拿过望远镜，朝屋子看去，然后拿出两粒子弹对这位男士说：”这有两颗子弹，如果你用这两颗子弹打炸我妻子的头和打掉那个男人的JJ，这个望远镜就白给你了。“
这位男士从望远镜又看了一眼然后说：”你猜怎么了，我想要完成你所说的，一枪就够了。“

3.A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"
"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."

一位男士进入电梯，站在一个漂亮女士旁边，过了一会儿，他对她说：”能不能闻下你的下体？“女士厌恶的看着他，”当然不行了。“
”恩，“他回答道：”那肯定就是你的脚了。