xywdren

自己翻译的不容易，大家给个红心吧。
1.Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
今天，我收到寄来的我的护照。他们把我的生日搞错了。然后我拿起了我随申请一起寄出的出生证明。原来，16年来我的父母一直在错误的日子给我庆祝生日。

2.Today, I wanted to have a good lunch with my wife before fasting for my surgery which I may not survive, she decided getting her hair cut was more important. I ate alone. FML
今天，我想在动手术之气和我老婆吃顿好点的午餐，我可能会死掉的。她觉得剪头发更加重要，于是我单独吃的。

3.Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
今天，我女朋友把我甩了，她宣称她想找个更像“Edward”的。我问她Edward是谁。她拿出一本叫Twilight的书。她说的是一个虚构的吸血鬼。

4.Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
今天，我看见一个老人在人行道十字路口摔倒了。于是我跳下自行车就去帮忙。在我帮他过去的时候，红绿灯变绿了。就在那时我发现我的手机从我口袋里掉到路上了，就看着被几辆车压过去了。然后我看着6车道的马路的那头，某人偷了我的自行车。

5.Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
今天，我老公开车送我上班。十分钟以后，我收到一条短信，“我刚让那婊子下车了，我一会就到，宝贝，想你。” 我问他这是怎么回事，他说“我不知道你在说什么，Megan”。我的名字不是Megan，甚至一点也不接近。

6.Today, 3 days before my wedding day, I found out that my fiance is sleeping with one of my bridesmaids. I just cancelled a $200,000 wedding. I would go into more detail, but I have to help my family (who flew in from Poland, California, and Massachusetts) book flights back home. FML
今天，离我婚礼还有3天，我发现我的未婚夫和我的一个伴娘搞上了。我刚取消了一个20万美元的婚礼，我想多说点细节，可是我的帮我家人订回去的机票（他们从波澜，加利福尼亚，马萨诸塞州飞过来的）

7.Today, the girl I've loved for the past two years finally expressed her innermost feelings for me. After a brief make out session, she asked me to "never leave her side". When I got home, my mom told me that my dad got a new job. I'm moving to the other side of the globe in two weeks. FML
今天，过去两年来我心爱的姑娘终于向我表达了她内心私密的对我的感情。短暂的表白后，她要我永远也不要离开她。当我回家时，我妈妈告诉我，我老爸弄到一份新工作，两周之内我就得搬到地球另外一边去了。

8.Today, I told my mom about my night terrors in which I am laying in a ditch with people shooting at me, and I have no ammunition to defend myself. She told me I should stop being such a whiny bitch, and to grow up and be a man. I am 20 and got back from Iraq 10 months ago. FML
今天，我告诉我妈妈关于我的恶梦，在梦里我躺在一个沟里，人们向我射击，而我没有弹药来自卫。她告诉我别在这样当个啰嗦的婊子了，长大成人吧。我20了，10个月前刚从伊拉克回来。

9.Today, I found out that I am being sued for losing a set of wedding photos that I took. I lost them by being mugged on the way home after the shoot and £10,000 worth of equipment was stolen from me. FML
今天，我发现，因为弄丢了一套我拍的婚礼照片，我被告了。我拍完以后就弄丢了，因为我被抢了，价值10000块的设备也被抢了。


大家看看哪个最糗，我觉得是第十个，简直是残酷。

10.Today, my teenage stepdaughters, as a punishment for refusing to buy them iphones, told my wife they saw me in town kissing an attractive blonde and grabbing her ass (all invented). She believed it and i'm single. I've been faithful and feeding the whole family for 10 years. FML
今天，作为对我不给她们买iphone的惩罚，我的青春期继女们告诉我老婆她们看见我在城里和一个诱人的金发美女亲吻，并且抓她的屁股（都是编出来的）。老婆相信了，我单身了（离婚）。10年来我一直忠于并且在养家。

不知道是怎么回事?是外国的几则笑话吗?把我看得莫名其妙的.

xywdren

算是笑话吧，其实更应该说是倒霉的事情。看了也算搞笑